1969

The year 1969 has often been spoken of as one of the best (and worst) years on record. Many wonderful and dubious things happened in that year of four decades ago. That was the year the Gap opened for business. It was the year Wal-Mart incorporated. Woodstock was held in New York.

Many of us that are not from that decade often don't realize what all happened in 1969. On July 20 of that year our proud nation was the first to reach the moon. John Lennon married Yoko Ono...they were evidently famous for some reason during that decade...I wouldn't know...I wasn't born in that decade.

On closer inspection I believe more "strange" things happened in 1969 than perhaps any other year, ever. The Brady Bunch made its television debut. The very first ATM was put into use. The Football War was fought between El Salvador and Honduras when fights after a soccer game led to a war, seriously. The Manson Family. Chappaquiddick. Canada adds French as an official language in addition to English. Hee-Haw debuts. The Nixon administration begins.
This is just a tip of the ice-berg of all the strange events of the second to last year of the sixties.

There was also a plethora of "interesting" people born in MCMLXIX. Marilyn Manson, Bobby Brown, Mariah Carey, Nate Dogg(the rapper, not me, I was not born in that decade), Sean "P-Diddy-Puff-Daddy-Puffy" Combs, Matthew "Anti-Anti-Perspirant" McConaughey, and Jay-Kay (lead singer of Jamiroquai).

The point is this...there were so many strange things and interesting people born in that year that I wonder what was going on. Was there solar flares? Unusual gravitational phenomena?There was a lot of drug use. May be that was it.

It is time for us, as Americans, to look back on history. Even history that seems so far away. Back to a time when television was only sporatically in color. We owe it to those that were born in that decade so long ago.

Here are some other folks that were born in the decade: aging bachelor George Clooney, Seventies T.V. star Eddie Murphy, and presidential candidate Barak Obama. All from the sixties.

The children of the sixties need our help.

Happy Birthday Baybuh. 12/18/You Guess the Year.

Ps. I was not born during that decade.

See Dog Run

Dave Blake has created a monster. Okay, he didn't create it, but through his blog he has definitely introduced me to one. This website that tells you the reading level of your blog absolutely amazes me. Not to brag but as you are reading this you are reading at the collegiate undergrad level. Simply stated reading this blog is like reading a Calculus book...wow, there is some fun reading.

That said, I have spent the last couple of days truly pondering the reading level of my blog. A prideful part of me wants to amp it up...to drop some diction if you will. Dave stated that a couple of the blogs he tested on the site came back as collegiate post-grad reading levels...show offs. I ran another friend of mine's blog and his came back at a genius reading level...I don't understand this because his posts have never made any sense to me.

Another part of me wants to "keep the cookies on the bottom shelf" if you will. I want people to feel comfortable when they read this blog. Thinking back to my collegiate reading days does not relax me...getting letters suggesting that I think of other possible majors other than Engineering, or other letters suggesting possibly trying a different college all together, or Failing "Statics" only to retake it and barely get a "D"...these are not what I want people to be reminded of when they read this college level reading blog.

But, I also have no reservations about admitting that I am definitely the dullest crayon in the tool shed. The folks that read this blog are intellectual and I don't want to insult them by writing below their level. What to do...What to do...

Well, anyway, here's my newest post:

Betty set up our Christmas tree. After much consternation and deliberation she ultimately decided to install a tree of a brummagem and humanly produced nature. The tree is pretty. She has compiled various accessories which are decorative and sentimental to furbelow and bedizen our ersatz pinus strobus. She hung them on the tree. The adornments include vestiges such as "Elvis Pressley clad in splendiferous accouterments commonly associated with the mid 1970's" and "Yoda donned in a millenery similar to that attributed to Saint Nicholas." Yoda is funny. Our canine finds consuming said baubles quite piquant and this acerbates my helpmeet to the point of near assassination. See dog run.

Read your own level.

Jive Turkey of the Week Award

So the ol'lady had a hen party tonight (my lovely wife had some friends over for the evening). To help make that possible I took the boys out for a while. We decided to go to the mall...see their sister, get some grub, and hit the play area. While there I realized who should receive the First Annual Jive Turkey of the Week award. It's the folks that constantly harass you as you walk from Dip'nDots to Auntie Anne's to Chick-fil-A to Great American Cookie Company to Williams Sonoma for free samples to Tropical Smoothie to Godiva for free samples to Sonic back to Williams Sonoma for more free samples and finally to GNC for some whey protein(gotta keep my swole on). The workers at the kiosks won't let you pass without trying to get you to stop and hear their pitch. This is not a problem for some. They can blow them off without any problem. It's not so easy for me. For whatever reason I feel the need to listen to half their pitch before I finally say "no thank you" and move on.

Well, tonight I had finally had enough. As I was walking past Williams Sonoma (trying to look left-handed this time so they wouldn't think I had gotten samples before) a dude grabs me by the arm and asks me if I would like a Mallssage. I had had it. I spun around quickly, looked the guy straight in the eye and said "Step off me you Jive Turkey!" It was wonderful...three people around me actually applauded. The manager of Williams Sonoma gave me a double sample of peppermint bark, and the dude at the Dell kiosk(they leave you alone, almost to a fault) just looked at me and tearfully whispered "Thank you." Even the guy who had offered the Mallssage apologized and told me he was going to look for a different job. Secretly I felt as if I may have overreacted, but the reaction of those around encouraged me to think differently. I had to do it. That gave me the idea for this award.

So here's to you Mr. and Ms. Overly Pushy Kiosk at the Mall Worker. You are the First Annual Jive Turkey of Week.

Far From Home

I've never blogged from a foreign country before. This is pretty cool. The people speak English but it seems to be local custom to dress in a funky orange color. They also like to sing some strange song about rocks on a mountian or something. Strange, yet entertaining.

Well, I must sign out.
World Traveller
Nathan Cornett
From MTSU Library
Murfreesboro, TN

Jive Turkey

Years ago there was a death in the American-English lexicon. It happened slowly, so slowly that it was not noticed. In our indifference we Americans allowed an important phrase to not only slip into obscurity but to near extinction. Anthropolically speaking to allow such a phrase to disappear is to do a disservice to the generations to come.

This past weekend our street had a block party. Some friends from church stopped by. While in conversation with them I mentioned that it was my aim to return "Jive Turkey" to the english language. They looked at me blankly and responded, "Jive Turkey, what is that?" Now these friends are less than ten years younger than myself but have not had the oppurtunity to meet a friend and greet them with "What it is, you jive turkey?" How sad for them.

Wikipedia defines the phrase as follows: "Jive turkey was a derogatory slang word in African American Vernacular English. It usually indicates someone who, despite his pretense, is a fool or, more often, a swindler." (notice they use "was")

While this may have been the case in its earliest etymologies I believe the phrase morphed into a more familiar, lovingly derogatory phrase. Actually I believe it took on the meaning of its context. Similarly to "Dude" of the late nineties and early 2000's.

Jive Turkey was made known to all of America by its use in classic television shows of the late 1970's. George Jefferson used it often, The Sweathogs used it, and who could forget Fred Sanford's use of the phrase with Lamont and Grady.

I turned 6 years of age in September of 1979. By that time "Jive Turkey" was definitely on its way out. So, I am sad to say that I never got to utter the phrase while it was truly popular to say.

Come forward a few years. I am in college at the University of Kentucky. A friend of mine at Purdue hears the phrase (I don't remember where) and loves it. He decides he is gonna bring it back. He briefly uses the phrase in his conversations and emails but gives up after numerous funny looks and responses.

Jive Turkey flies under the radar once again. It revives as a concept from time to time with the naming of a band, a goofy dance, even a restaurant devoted to fried turkey. But, alas, it never makes it back into the lexicon as it was in the late 70's.

That brings us to today. It is my goal to return Jive Turkey to the level of use it enjoyed while J.J. Evans was painting pictures in Chicago. I have mentioned it in the past on this blog, but now I want to start a movement. Can you imagine the joy we will all share when McDreamy turns to McSteamy and says "Hand me that scapel you jive turkey."

So my challenge to you is to use the phrase. Use it often, but remember use it responsibly. I welcome any stories of its use to be catalogued here in the comments section of this blog. Do it for Rerun and the whole What's Happening gang.

EIV Endorsements

The readership of this blog is estimated at around five hits per day. Since that is approaching the readership of all non-sports sections of the Lexington-Herald Leader we here at EIV feel it is time to start including endorsements for general elections.

Governor:
Governor Ernie Fletcher v. Steve Beshear - in spite of my wife's crush on Beshear's running mate, Dan Mongiardo, I am going to have to go with the incumbent. Frankly, Beshear and Mongiardo just give me the heebie-jeebies--would one of you answer a question, any question, please.

Attorney General:
Jack Conway v. Stan Lee - Stan Lee's mustache is AWESOME! I can only hope that he will win and thereby inspire scores of Kentucky men to sport the Magnum P.I. look once again. I just wish he would do one campaign commercial sitting in a Ferarri 308GT.

Secretary of State:
Bruce Hendrickson v. Trey Grayson - I thought Condoleezza Rice was appointed by the president? So confused.

State Auditor:
Crit Luallen v. Linda Greenwell - Here is proof that the lottery didn't help education (nor will legalized gambling in casinos): What the heck is a state auditor? Since both candidates lack mustache appeal I must go on the issues. The main issue is this: It it just plain fun to say "Luallen." Come on try it...."Luallen." Priceless. I would give anything if her first name were "Suellen."

State Treasurer:
Todd Hollenbach v. Melinda Wheeler - Remember when Fayette Mall had a drug store in it? It was called Treasury Drugs. It was so handy. It was right across from York Steak House. I loved Yorks, great cheesecake. Now my favorite drug store is Wheeler Pharmacy, great cheeseburgers. There you have it...Melinda Wheeler for State Treasurer.

Commissioner of Agriculture:
David Lynn Williams v. Richie Farmer - While I generally can't vote against a three-named
candidate Richie's got Stan Lee Appeal. The 'stache trumps 3-names any day.

There you go. I have done the research so you don't have to.

Don't Waste Your Time Here...

Go read this.

I'm Kore (Its NateSlang for "Hard Core")

I admit it, I'm a pretty hard-core outdoors man. I own a tent. I used to own a Jeep. I've read "Into Thin Air" and "Walden." Heck, I subscribe to "Outside" magazine. I got a gift certificate to J&H Outdoor store for Christmas. I own a pair of Keen shoes. I've killed a three point buck. I think you get the point. Yeah, I'm kore.

Tomorrow I'm going rock climbing in the New River Gorge. People keep asking me to be their belayer. It's cause I'm kore. They say I have the gift of gravity. When they are hanging off that cliff they want me on the other end of that rope. It's cause I'm kore.

The way I see it, I'm a natural born rock climber. I was made for elevation. When I was in college I worked at Ball Homes. One day they asked me to climb a pretty tall ladder. I looked my boss straight in the eye and said, "Dude, I like my job but I will quit and go home before I climb that eight foot step ladder."

The way I see it, I'm a natural born belayer also. I wear size 38 pants. I can eat two Big Macs at one setting. I love biscuits and gravy. Yeah, I have the gift of gravity. And I'm kore.

Anchor.

Timex Social Club

I like Tubby Smith. I think Lexington will miss Tubby Smith. But I gotta say, I think it should be state law that the University of Kentucky change basketball coaches every 5 to 10 years. That's right, I am in favor of basketball coach term limits.

This is not because I think the university or its basketball program will need a change that often. I think term limits are necessary because it is fun. I have absolutely enjoyed the past few days of Kentucky Basketball Excitement. We've needed it. So, in the tradition of rivals.com(catspause.com) and kentuckysportsradio.com I have decided to become a news outlet for the open coaching position at the University of Kentucky.

Here is what my "sources" tell me:
* Billy Donovan was spotted last night at HomeGoods picking out floral arrangements to go on the new entertainment center he purchased from Value City Furniture for the home he and his wife purchased in an historic downtown Lexington neighborhood.

* The entertainment center was said to be Kentucky Blue and would fit a 72" plasma television.

* The flowers were artificial replicas of Kentucky wildflowers and were thought to match perfectly with the carpet the Donovans purchased around the corner at The Flooring Gallery.

* Current Texas A&M coach Billy Gillispie was seen last night at the IHOP on New Circle Rd. He was having a tall order of Cini-stacks with a large OJ and bacon. Directly across the table from Gillispie was none other than Bill Keightley. The two were said to be discussing the layout of Gillispie's new office.

* Gonzaga coach Mark Few was seen last night in the New Balance store off Woodhill drive. Few was said to be purchasing a pair of trail running shoes and told the clerk that he would be running on the trails in Veterans Park since he had recently purchased a house in Hartland.

This is where the story gets even more unbelievable, literally:
* At approximately 8:30 pm the Donovans left HomeGoods and decided to have some pizza and fun and the nearby Chuck-E-Cheeze. Sources say the Donovans love air hockey.

* At approximately 8:34 pm IHOP patrons overheard Bill Keightley challenge Billy Gillespie to some DDR at a nearby arcade and pizza establishment. The two left, assumed to be going to said establishment.

* At approximately 8:37 pm Mark Few checked out of the New Balance store with a pair of New Balance 702 Trail Runners. He commented that he had amassed over 14,000 ski-ball tickets and was about to trade them in on a giant stuffed wildcat with giant plastic sunglasses and a blue sweater. He then left the store.

* At approximately 8:58 pm it is said that Donovan, Gillispie, and Few came face to face inside Chuck-E-Cheeze. Words were exchanged and before Keightley could intervene a fight broke out. No serious injuries were reported except for the robotic bass player in the band that lost its right arm. The three coaches were arrested and booked on charges of disorderly conduct and 2nd degree assault.

* At 12:14 am the three coaches were bailed out of jail by one Eddie Sutton. Coach Sutton said being at the LFUCG brought back fond/fuzzy memories of Lexington.

* Sources inside the University of Kentucky tell us that Nolan Barger will be named coach of the University of Kentucky Wildcats on Tuesday. Barger, the former coach of Tates Creek High School, has been working as a real estate appraiser.


Disclaimer: If you were born after 1979 or have a bad memory you should probably Google "Timex Social Club."

Why I Haven't Been Posting.

The past few months have been a whirlwind. I can hardly tell up from down. I have been preparing for a mission that I have kept secret from most of you for over a year now. But as the days fly by and I get closer and closer to departure I find myself growing nervous. If I have been short with any of you lately I apologize, but I think you will soon understand.

On March 14th I will be leaving for Nepal. I will be gone for the next three months. I will climb Everest.

For months now I have been travelling back and forth between Kentucky, Colorado, and Alaska as I prepare to enter the thin air of the Himalayans. I have had to get a passport and hundreds of shots, not to mention countless hours of rock and ice climbing on various mountains outside of Denver, plus the weekend jaunt to Mt. McKinley. Frankly I am exhausted. Yet so excited I can hardly contain myself. During this time I have hardly worked...thank you Betty for keeping up with the job issues. Climb all week, home on the weekends.

So, as of today the arrangements are final. On Wednesday the 14th I will fly from Cincinnati to Paris, have a twenty hour layover, and then on to Kathmandu, Nepal. There I will meet up with my expedition group, Himalayan Ascents, Inc. We will spend two days resting and acclimating in a lodge just outside of Kathmandu. From there it will be a two week trek through inner Nepal to the Everest Base Camp. That is where the fun begins. We will spend countless hours acclimating to the altitude. Each breath will be work. This will continue for nearly six weeks as we travel up the mountain and then down again. Finally we will make our summit push somewhere around the 10th of May(if the weather cooperates).

I cannot imagine the feeling I am going to have when I see Everest for the first time. I am also excited because there will be an IMAX expedition on the mountain at the same time. They are filming a movie of two Sherpas that are plotting a new route to the summit.

I just hope I can reach the top.

Show and Tell or Show and Fail?

When our oldest son was about a year old we went to a get-together at some friends' house. There were a few couples there, all with children around a year old. After dinner we were talking with each other and as often happens the conversation hit a lull. Trying to break the silence I facetiously asked, "So, have yall started looking into preschools yet?" Hoping to get a small laugh, it was to my horror that I had sparked a serious conversation. It turned out that my wife and I were the only couple who had not toured preschools and were not currently trying to teach our child to drool in a fashion that Over Priced PreSchool Academy would be impressed by. I wrote it off as over-excitement on some new parents' parts.

Fast forward a few years later. It is now time to make some important decisions about this young'n's future. Now, I did not realize this, but it is possible to take a full grown adults current socio-economic position and determine the kindergarten they attended. Basically all this "get into a good college" mumbo jumbo is just that. Mumbo jumbo. The Ivy League ain't where it's at. True success is in the fat crayons and playdough. Where you learned to tie your shoes will ultimately determine what kind of shoes you can wear.

My wife has been looking into different Kindered options of intellectual stimulation for weeks now. She truly is looking for the right place for our son to go. So, when my mouth-breathing, ignorant self suggested "What difference does it make? It's Kindergarten." You would have thought I had just asked for some ketchup to put on my fillet mignon(I've gotten that look before).

We are not unique in our dilemma. This problem is industry-wide with parents of 4 year olds. I have even started to notice pack mentality within these mothers of 4 year olds. I hear icily whispered conversations with each other on the phone ending in things like, "If we don't choose wisely they may end up like...like...them," as I feel the scowl burning me.

But I gotta be honest, if I hear one more kindergarten teacher boast about the benefits of their non-Euclidean geometry curriculum I am gonna scream. Whatever happened to gold stars for not picking your nose for twenty minutes?

Well, I gotta go, it's 10:50 pm and I gotta get Junior brushed up on his interview skills.

While we are on the subject, does anyone know of a good AAU basketball team for my two year old?