Tuesday, February 26, 2008


I am currently watching the television debut of the series "Quarterlife." The show follows six "creative" people in their twenties through the videoblog of a young lady named Dylan. The show has apparently gathered a following through episodes on the Internet. I am watching almost as research. My wife and I teach the quarterlife age group Bible study at our church and I am hoping to further my knowledge of the twenty-something condition. Apparently I have forgotten quite a bit in my four years of absence from that demographic.

I do believe, however, that there is need for a similar show for folks my age. So, this is my attempt to garner a web following that will eventually lead to my own television series. First of all my show will not be based on a videoblog...let's just say that I have a face for the written blog. Second, I don't own a digital camcorder so even if I were purty I would have a hard time proving that to you.

Let's get started.

Title: Originally "One/ThirdLife" was the title. This presents a problem. I am currently 34 years of age. 34 x 3 = 102. Now, that is an age that I could possibly live to but at my current rate of McDonald's consumption and UV ray exposure it is most unlikely. Additionally I doubt my kids much like the idea of changing my diapers as her retirement pastime. Using the average American male life expectancy of 74 years and dividing my age by that number the title could be "Forty-Five-Point-Nine-Percent-Life" but, quite frankly, it is depressing realizing that my life is that close to half over. So back to "One/Third Life" and Jordan and the boys will just have to live with the diaper changes. Will this upset them?...Depends.(I completely stole that joke from my brother-in-law...Listen to him on "The Show with No Name" weekdays on 630 WLAP from 3pm to 6pm).

Episode I: Our protagonist (we'll call him Nathan) documents his life and the the lives of those he loves on his blog. He tells of things such as he and his wife getting a baby-sitter(thanks Boppy) so they can go out on a date only to realize that they are exhausted and are more than happy to return home by 9:30(you're welcome Boppy). It will also tell of the adventures of parenthood including such things as the youngest son getting potty-trained(his third grade teacher is going to be so excited!). The show will include scenes of the ensemble cast sitting around discussing life much like on "Quarterlife" and previously seen on "Friends." The difference being instead of a trendy coffee house the witty banter will take place at the mall play area or at Chuck E. Cheese's. The conversation will not include dating exploits but will cover more practical aspects of life such as good places to download coupons and the dread of impending prostate examinations (I got six years).

Time Slot: I think this show should air in conjunction with "Quarterlife." The problem being that if "One/ThirdLife" comes on after "Quarterlife" (as would make sense chronologically) most of the one/third-lifers will probably already be in bed. So I think it should come on at 9pm with "Quarterlife" following at ten.

The Moral: Each "One/ThirdLife" episode will end with Nathan blogging about being completely elated with his lot in life. He would realize that many of the characters on "Quarterlife" would make fun of his thirtysomething lifestyle(yeah, we own a mini-van)...would he care...nope...would he trade with them...no way...does he miss that stage of life...a little...what does he miss most?...metabolism.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Tripp'n on a Hole in a Paper What?

My boys love video games. Now quit your judging, it's not what you think. My boys love to watch other people play video games. Namely, they like to watch ol' dad play video games. It started with Scooby-Doo, then Mario, Sonic, Cars, and now....Guitar Hero.

It started innocent enough, I wanted to secretly practice Guitar Hero so I could challenge my daughter. The boys were going to "help." I did not know what a monster I was creating. I now have metal-loving, head banging, air guitar playing sons that are obsessed with Guitar Hero.

The Evidence:
A) The boys get out their own guitars and play along with me while I play the game -- not overly concerning...in fact it's pretty cute.
B) The boys now sing along with the songs and grunt along with the guitar riffs -- a little disconcerting when you hear your three year old belt out some Guns n Roses.
C) Now when you speak of something being difficult to do the boys refer to that activity as "Having orange in it." That is a reference to the hardest level of Guitar hero having orange notes that you have to play -- Really sad, makes me think of when UK has to play UT this year, hard.
D) I made the mistake of cluing the boys in to the fact that I had the Stone Temple Pilots' song "Tripping on a Hole in a Paper Heart" on my Ipod. Every song of every truck ride is now completely filled with this song...along with the boys bang'n heads and strumm'n the air guitar in addition to singing each word at the top of their lungs.
E) So, I took the boys to see "Alvin and the Chipmunks" the other day. Every time the Chipmunks would start singing my boys would hop into the aisle and hold their hands over their heads, not acting like they were playing air guitar, but acting like they were playing Guitar Hero -- in the absence of a Guitar Hero guitar this looks very strange (picture moving your fingers like you were playing the keyboard but an invisible one that is above your head).
F) Sunday night the boys and I were sitting in church. I am standing and singing a praise song when I notice the boys moving. I look down to see my boys, again not strumming an air guitar but, alas, waving their fingers over their head(I don't know why they play the guitar over their head, they just do), pretending to have a Guitar Hero guitar in their hands. I was amused...the folks around me were worried. It looked like my sons had flat lost their minds...or gotten the Holy Ghost.

Frankly, I blame their mother. I gotta go, I want to play Free Bird before the boys have to go to bed.

Friday, January 04, 2008


I need your help. For the last two weeks I have heard nothing but news about the Iowa Caucuses. Huckabee and Obama won, but what is a caucus? How does it work? Why does Kentucky have a caucus that doesn't matter? Why doesn't it matter? Who came up with the name "Caucus?" Why is it so fun to say "Caucuses?" Why isn't the plural called "Caucuii?" Iowa, seriously?

These are the questions I have. I need your help in getting them answered. Now don't go and look it up and then just answer from that....that's boring. I want answers off the top of your head. Colby Adams, I don't know if you even read this blog but I bet you could answer. Anyone else that knows please chime in. Points will be given for creativity.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


The year 1969 has often been spoken of as one of the best (and worst) years on record. Many wonderful and dubious things happened in that year of four decades ago. That was the year the Gap opened for business. It was the year Wal-Mart incorporated. Woodstock was held in New York.

Many of us that are not from that decade often don't realize what all happened in 1969. On July 20 of that year our proud nation was the first to reach the moon. John Lennon married Yoko Ono...they were evidently famous for some reason during that decade...I wouldn't know...I wasn't born in that decade.

On closer inspection I believe more "strange" things happened in 1969 than perhaps any other year, ever. The Brady Bunch made its television debut. The very first ATM was put into use. The Football War was fought between El Salvador and Honduras when fights after a soccer game led to a war, seriously. The Manson Family. Chappaquiddick. Canada adds French as an official language in addition to English. Hee-Haw debuts. The Nixon administration begins.
This is just a tip of the ice-berg of all the strange events of the second to last year of the sixties.

There was also a plethora of "interesting" people born in MCMLXIX. Marilyn Manson, Bobby Brown, Mariah Carey, Nate Dogg(the rapper, not me, I was not born in that decade), Sean "P-Diddy-Puff-Daddy-Puffy" Combs, Matthew "Anti-Anti-Perspirant" McConaughey, and Jay-Kay (lead singer of Jamiroquai).

The point is this...there were so many strange things and interesting people born in that year that I wonder what was going on. Was there solar flares? Unusual gravitational phenomena?There was a lot of drug use. May be that was it.

It is time for us, as Americans, to look back on history. Even history that seems so far away. Back to a time when television was only sporatically in color. We owe it to those that were born in that decade so long ago.

Here are some other folks that were born in the decade: aging bachelor George Clooney, Seventies T.V. star Eddie Murphy, and presidential candidate Barak Obama. All from the sixties.

The children of the sixties need our help.

Happy Birthday Baybuh. 12/18/You Guess the Year.

Ps. I was not born during that decade.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

See Dog Run

Dave Blake has created a monster. Okay, he didn't create it, but through his blog he has definitely introduced me to one. This website that tells you the reading level of your blog absolutely amazes me. Not to brag but as you are reading this you are reading at the collegiate undergrad level. Simply stated reading this blog is like reading a Calculus book...wow, there is some fun reading.

That said, I have spent the last couple of days truly pondering the reading level of my blog. A prideful part of me wants to amp it up...to drop some diction if you will. Dave stated that a couple of the blogs he tested on the site came back as collegiate post-grad reading levels...show offs. I ran another friend of mine's blog and his came back at a genius reading level...I don't understand this because his posts have never made any sense to me.

Another part of me wants to "keep the cookies on the bottom shelf" if you will. I want people to feel comfortable when they read this blog. Thinking back to my collegiate reading days does not relax me...getting letters suggesting that I think of other possible majors other than Engineering, or other letters suggesting possibly trying a different college all together, or Failing "Statics" only to retake it and barely get a "D"...these are not what I want people to be reminded of when they read this college level reading blog.

But, I also have no reservations about admitting that I am definitely the dullest crayon in the tool shed. The folks that read this blog are intellectual and I don't want to insult them by writing below their level. What to do...What to do...

Well, anyway, here's my newest post:

Betty set up our Christmas tree. After much consternation and deliberation she ultimately decided to install a tree of a brummagem and humanly produced nature. The tree is pretty. She has compiled various accessories which are decorative and sentimental to furbelow and bedizen our ersatz pinus strobus. She hung them on the tree. The adornments include vestiges such as "Elvis Pressley clad in splendiferous accouterments commonly associated with the mid 1970's" and "Yoda donned in a millenery similar to that attributed to Saint Nicholas." Yoda is funny. Our canine finds consuming said baubles quite piquant and this acerbates my helpmeet to the point of near assassination. See dog run.

Read your own level.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Jive Turkey of the Week Award

So the ol'lady had a hen party tonight (my lovely wife had some friends over for the evening). To help make that possible I took the boys out for a while. We decided to go to the mall...see their sister, get some grub, and hit the play area. While there I realized who should receive the First Annual Jive Turkey of the Week award. It's the folks that constantly harass you as you walk from Dip'nDots to Auntie Anne's to Chick-fil-A to Great American Cookie Company to Williams Sonoma for free samples to Tropical Smoothie to Godiva for free samples to Sonic back to Williams Sonoma for more free samples and finally to GNC for some whey protein(gotta keep my swole on). The workers at the kiosks won't let you pass without trying to get you to stop and hear their pitch. This is not a problem for some. They can blow them off without any problem. It's not so easy for me. For whatever reason I feel the need to listen to half their pitch before I finally say "no thank you" and move on.

Well, tonight I had finally had enough. As I was walking past Williams Sonoma (trying to look left-handed this time so they wouldn't think I had gotten samples before) a dude grabs me by the arm and asks me if I would like a Mallssage. I had had it. I spun around quickly, looked the guy straight in the eye and said "Step off me you Jive Turkey!" It was wonderful...three people around me actually applauded. The manager of Williams Sonoma gave me a double sample of peppermint bark, and the dude at the Dell kiosk(they leave you alone, almost to a fault) just looked at me and tearfully whispered "Thank you." Even the guy who had offered the Mallssage apologized and told me he was going to look for a different job. Secretly I felt as if I may have overreacted, but the reaction of those around encouraged me to think differently. I had to do it. That gave me the idea for this award.

So here's to you Mr. and Ms. Overly Pushy Kiosk at the Mall Worker. You are the First Annual Jive Turkey of Week.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Far From Home

I've never blogged from a foreign country before. This is pretty cool. The people speak English but it seems to be local custom to dress in a funky orange color. They also like to sing some strange song about rocks on a mountian or something. Strange, yet entertaining.

Well, I must sign out.
World Traveller
Nathan Cornett
From MTSU Library
Murfreesboro, TN