Try-Athlon

On July 8 I will compete in my first triathlon. Compete could actually be too bold of a word. On July 8 I will drown in my first triathlon. There, that's better.

The race consists of a .53 mile swim, a 9.1 mile bike ride, and a 2.6 mile run. I have complete confidence in my ability to ride and run. The swim, not so much.

I have been going to the YMCA for weeks now getting prepared for the swim. I do not swim well. I have issues with buoyancy. My nose leaks. Basically, I can't swim. I know the aquatics director at the Y. She saw me swimming laps the other day and suggested that I enroll in her adult swim lesson class. I'd rather drown.

But I must tell you that I finally think that I have figured out the swim. All doggie paddle, all the time. I can doggie paddle for hours. It's slow, it's ugly, it's effective. I can now swim the .53 miles without stopping.

Also to prepare I have been working out, a lot. Just when I thought I could see a difference in my physique I heard this at work today. "Dang Nathan you're gett'n fat." Yeah, that guy got a raise.

So, as of right now I have 11 days to prepare for the triathlon. Consider it done.

Now, if I can only figure out what color of Speedo to wear.

Okay. Something You are Passionate About.

So I am starting to get heckled for not getting comments for up to two days. But I now realize that it was my own fault. I don't think my last post was something that my loyal readers were all that excited about. So here goes.

Today Jordan was eating waffles. While she was eating said waffles she asked me what her next post should be about(check out her newest post at www.jordancor.blogspot.com). Since she was eating waffles and looking for a post topic I told her to blog about syrup. She scoffed. She could not write about syrup. Well, I can.

I really like syrup. I like it on pancakes. I like it on waffles. I really like it when you have bacon with any of the above and you dip your bacon in the syrup. And if the syrup is warm, don't get me started.

One time, when I was little, we were at my mammaw's house and my dad actually tapped a maple tree. Drained the sap. Then my mammaw made homemade maple syrup. Mmmmm.
I have many stories I could tell you about syrup. How I used to love the Mrs. Butterworth bottle. I always wanted her to start talking to me. I love how socially conscious syrup companies have gotten; i.e. remember when Mrs. Butterworth was dressed more like a slave but now she is like wearing a business suit(maybe that was Aunt Jemimah). Or how technologically advanced syrup companies have gotten; i.e. when all the syrup bottles started putting an indicator to let you know when your syrup was just the right temperature in the microwave.

But my all time favorite syrup story definitely trumps all the above. About a year ago Betty fixed breakfast for dinner(I love when she does that). Anyway, she fixed pancakes and bacon(great combo). After fixing the bacon she poured all the bacon grease into a cup(why do people save that?). A little while later in strolls Jordan. She fixes her pancakes and pours her "syrup" from the cup on the stove. Now why Jordan thought her mother would pour a half a cup of syrup and leave it on the stove I do not know. But anyway Jordan got a dose of Betty's Homemade Bacon Grease Syrup. Mmmmm. Smooth going down.

There. I blogged on syrup. I hope I sparked your passion.

Maybe I need some new friends.

Two of Betty and my best friends are Matt and Stephanie. They used to be in our Bible study class but then they sold out and got married. So they became some of our married friends. But I have noticed that hanging around with them may not be good for my ego.

Let's start at the beginning.

Shortly after Matt and Steph got married I got a call from Steph. She was in hysterics. She could not talk for laughing. It seems that they had been watching an episode of The Andy Griffith Show when it hit her that I was the re-embodiment of Andy Taylor. Something about the way I talk reminds her of the sex symbol sheriff. Lovely.

Some time later our friend Jill was in a car wreck and in the hospital in Louisville. So Steph, Matt, Betty, Banks, and I went to Louisville to see her. While we were there the nurse came in to help Jill up. She asked Matt and I to leave the room for a little bit. So we took Banks, who was less than a year old, and went out in the hall. Matt held Banks, I held the baby bag. About that time a lady rounds the corner and almost bumps into us. She sees Matt holding the baby and me holding the diaper bag. She proceeds to give us a look of absolute disgust and walks off down the hall mumbling about us. Lovely.

But the one that takes the cake happened this past Wednesday. Matt and I had gone to the hospital to see another friend. While we were there we started talking with a guy in the lobby. After a few minutes the guy says to me while pointing at Matt, "Is this your son?" At first I thought he was kidding so I just laughed. But again I hear, "Is he your son?" He was serious. He was asking if my friend Matt was my son. He was asking if my 30 year old friend was my son. I am 32. Matt is 30. I was born in 1973. Matt was born in 1976. "Is he your son?" 32. 30. Matt's dad is in his late 50's. I am 32. Matt's son is a year old. I am 32. "Is this your son?" Lovely.

Now, I can deal with the fact that I remind people of Andy Taylor. I can sort of deal with the fact that I remind some lady in Louisville of Elton John. But I cannot deal with the fact that I remind people more of Matlock than Andy Taylor. I am even getting calls from Matt's wife demanding child support payment for the time they have been married. Lovely.

Assignment: Vacation

I had a friend in college(no joke) that when he would go on vacation he would load up on mundane, one dollar or cheaper souvenirs. He did this so that upon his return when someone would ask, "What did you bring me?" he could say, "I saw this spoon with Nags Head on it and thought of you." I always thought it was kind of a waste because I never had any problem saying "nothing" when the question was posed to me. This all changed when my friend once took a trip to some place that I cannot remember. When he returned I asked, as a joke, "what did you get me?" Without hesitation he replied, "This previously viewed copy of Uncle Buck." I still have that tape and it warms my heart to think that when he was in "Everything's-a-Dollar" in Somewhere, USA he thought of me.

That brings me to my assignment for you. I don't travel very much. I want schwag. Since many of you are traveling some this summer (sPotts and sFost this weekend, ahem) I want you to bring me something back. No expense is necessary but appreciated. It could be a napkin that says "Nashville" or a 2007 Chevy Avalanche with Myrtle Beach license plates. Anything, I just want something from where you are going. Shameless, maybe. Sad, maybe. Nathan, totally.

The person that brings back the most creative souvenir will be given props on this blogsite. Now what other incentive could you need?

** Official Contest Rules **
-This contest does not expire or stop. Just keep bringing me stuff.
-Submissions are not tax deductible and become the property of the Elementary Intersocial Volition staff
-Bribes are accepted

Visuals

Where did our boat go?



(below)I see the keys!
<-Sarah, before her cheeks were red.


<- The correct way to base jump(sort of) off Foster's Rock. Above is action self portrait of artist base jumping(sort of) off Foster's Rock.