What I Have Learned Recently

1. When you take your two year old to the ER with a spiral break of the femur the doctors and P.A.'s tend to look at you accusingly.

2. When you tell them that he "fell at day-care" the doctors and P.A.'s tend to look at you accusingly.

3. When Child Protective Services find out that your two year old has a spiral break of the femur and comes to interview you, the social worker tends to look at you accusingly.

4. When you tell the social worker from Child Protective Services that he "fell at day-care" she tends to look at you accusingly.

5. When you walk your two year old around the hospital while he is hopped up on valium and he giggles constantly and says stuff like "I have hands!" and "My friends are going to the party" the other folks in the hospital tend to look at you accusingly.

6. When you get home and walk your two year old around the neighborhood so he can show off his new body cast your neighbors tend to look at you accusingly.

7. When you approach your two year old, who is in a body cast, with a syringe of medicine he tends to look at you accusingly.

8. When your two year old throws up(to quote the 2 yr old "blows chunks") full of the medicine you just gave him all over you, he tends to look at you accusingly.

9. When your three year old, who is staying with his grandparents while your two year old is in the hospital, goes up to them in only his underwear and says, "You wanna hear me toot?" they tend to look at you accusingly.

10. When you blog about what your family has been through in the past few days in a lighthearted way your readers tend to....hey, quit looking at me like that.

The Duck is Dead; But That Fowl Put Up a Fight

I survived. I managed to finish the Lame Duck Try-Athlon and continue to breathe. But man was it hard. Here is what the Duck taught me.

1. I'm old, I'm fat, I'm slow.
a. I am older physically than a 72 year old man. I was beaten by nearly half an hour by a man that is seventy-freak'n-two!
b. I'm fat. I was maybe one of ten folks there with a percent body fat over 5.
c. I'm slow. Coming out of the swim I was ahead of only seven people. I thought I would make up time on the bike and run. I finished ahead of seven people.

2. I'm really slow. I finished in the bottom ten. I was beaten by a 72 year old, a 62 year old and a 14 year old girl. Seriously.

3. There is a lot of gravity in Georgetown. The hills in Mallard Point are unbelievable. Lance Armstrong could have trained for the Tour De Snooty Country there. There is no shame in walking a bike up a hill. Shut up Woodyard, there is no shame in walking a bike up a hill.

4. The residents of Mallard Point are very nice to the participants. They would have coolers of water out in there front yard and run along side of you to hand it to you. Some had hoses hooked up to spray you if you wanted. They all cheered you on. But, to be honest, the cheering started to get on my nerves. I was so slow and back in the pack that their cheers seemed almost condescending. There "you can do it's" took into an "isn't that special, that fat man is trying" type of feel. I wanted somebody to say, "Dude, your stink'n it up, speed up."

5. Oxygen is good. I went an hour and fifty four minutes with a serious oxygen debt.

6. I look good in yellow speedos. I went with the taxi cab yellow dry fit model. It's more stringy on the sides for aerodynamics. Think Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue but with part of the front hidden by a gut. Okay, so I didn't wear a speedo, actually I had the longest shorts in the race I think.

7. The truly hard core athletes are the ones whose bikes have kickstands and baby seat racks. Just like me.

8. My next tri-athlon is September 24. I encourage all to participate.

If you are into verification of statistics you can go to http://lameduck.freeservers.com/
and click on race results.

J. W. is back!!!

Everybody check out Wiley's return to the blogging world. Just hit the link to JDub on the right side of the screen.