I may be treading in some risky water but I must tell the world (or my 2 readers, thanks Nunny) about my affinity for a controversial subject. For some this confession will be of little consequence. For others it will be like broadcasting to the world that I prefer "New Coke." It very well could change your opinion of me, but I say accept me as I am or not at all.
I like Halloween.
There, I admit it. Some of you are saying "Duh." others are saying, "How can he admit to liking such a satanic ritual?"
Many feel that Halloween is a celebration of dark and sinister things. That it is a glorification of the worst part of our society. I say it is a time when I actually get to know some of my neighbors, my kids get to have fun, and, AND my daughter handed out tracts with our candy.
Some will argue that Halloween had satanic or pagan beginnings. I really don't know, frankly , I don't care. When CocaCola was invented it had cocaine in it.
And we met some of the nicest people at our neighborhood seance(dead and alive).
Just kidding.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
I'm Gonna Miss that Dog.
An era has ended.
Along with parachute pants, L.A. Gear, and Mr. T lunchboxes--
my cell phone has been retired.
Purchased originally in the year 2000, I decided last week to put O'l Yeller down.
Actually, O'l Yeller wasn't yeller anymore. She was black. You see, I found a source for when my cell phones would die I could replace it with a refurbished version just like it. The last time I had my phone replaced they couldn't get yellow ones anymore so I had to settle for a black one.
I'm gonna miss that old phone. It was from an era when phones were phones. Not these narcissistic little bundles of self expression that we have today.
Back in my day, we used the ring tone that came on the phone, and we liked it. We didn't download the latest from Terrance Trent D'arby and "Wish Me Love, Oh Wishing Well" every time somebody wanted to talk to us.
If we wanted to text message someone we would go home, sit down, and write them a letter just like everybody else.
In fact, O'l Yeller was quite a step up for me. The phone I had before that one was mounted in my truck. I would still be using that one today but when they changed our area code to 859 the cell phone company didn't have the necessary hardware to make the change. Who doesn't have 5 1/4 inch disk drives?...Come on.
Now I find myself wanting to stick out my pinky while talking on this itty-bitty metrosexual ocean blue phone. I don't answer with "Yeah" anymore, now it's scary things like "Helleau" and "Can you believe Meridith is gonna go after McDreamy and not O'Donnell?". Alas, I don't know who I am.
But I gotta admit, Tetris on a phone is pretty cool.
Holla,
Nate.
Along with parachute pants, L.A. Gear, and Mr. T lunchboxes--
my cell phone has been retired.
Purchased originally in the year 2000, I decided last week to put O'l Yeller down.
Actually, O'l Yeller wasn't yeller anymore. She was black. You see, I found a source for when my cell phones would die I could replace it with a refurbished version just like it. The last time I had my phone replaced they couldn't get yellow ones anymore so I had to settle for a black one.
I'm gonna miss that old phone. It was from an era when phones were phones. Not these narcissistic little bundles of self expression that we have today.
Back in my day, we used the ring tone that came on the phone, and we liked it. We didn't download the latest from Terrance Trent D'arby and "Wish Me Love, Oh Wishing Well" every time somebody wanted to talk to us.
If we wanted to text message someone we would go home, sit down, and write them a letter just like everybody else.
In fact, O'l Yeller was quite a step up for me. The phone I had before that one was mounted in my truck. I would still be using that one today but when they changed our area code to 859 the cell phone company didn't have the necessary hardware to make the change. Who doesn't have 5 1/4 inch disk drives?...Come on.
Now I find myself wanting to stick out my pinky while talking on this itty-bitty metrosexual ocean blue phone. I don't answer with "Yeah" anymore, now it's scary things like "Helleau" and "Can you believe Meridith is gonna go after McDreamy and not O'Donnell?". Alas, I don't know who I am.
But I gotta admit, Tetris on a phone is pretty cool.
Holla,
Nate.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Fear and Footnoting in America
Footnotes scare me.
I majored in Construction Management and minored in Business so I admit that I avoided them greatly. I can only remember writing one paper in college. It was a masterful piece on the force vectors within a moment reaction. I can tell you that I did not get an F(only because UK used E, which I got). One reason was that I did not cite a single source. In my defense, I didn't use any. No baby, that E was all mine.
My college professors made it sound as if plagiarism is worse than murder. I was so scared to "bite"(Cube, Ice. 1989) something from someone else that I refused to use anything from someone else.
My problem with footnotes is because I never know when to or not to use them. I have been taking a Saturday class recently in which I had to write a paper. The paper was on the book "The Soul Winner" by Charles Spurgeon. It was required to cite sources.
Footnotes scare me.
I had absolutely no idea when to draw the line on footnotes. I found myself wanting to footnote the word "The" each time I used it...I mean it was in the book. Charles Spurgeon had used the word "The" countless times and I was going to use the word "The" in my paper on his book. Not to mention other words he used that I blatantly plagiarized. "A", "Is", "It", "For", and the list could go on and on.
I am such a fraud.
I actually think it is ridiculous to have to footnote anyway. I mean would anyone actually accuse me of coming up with anything? Let's face it, a blanket statement at the end of any paper that says something like, "The views, ideas, facts, similies, homilies, words, typos, considerations, misspellings, and contradictions contained in the above work are most likely the intellectual property of someone else that has lived within the last six thousand years and not necessarily that of the author,"(Cornett,N. 2006).
Well,that's all I got to say about that(Gump,F. 1994).
The thoughts, words, letters, spaces, etc. contained herein are hereby declared the intellectual property of the author and cannot be reproduced without expressed written consent...unless you give me credit in a footnote.
I majored in Construction Management and minored in Business so I admit that I avoided them greatly. I can only remember writing one paper in college. It was a masterful piece on the force vectors within a moment reaction. I can tell you that I did not get an F(only because UK used E, which I got). One reason was that I did not cite a single source. In my defense, I didn't use any. No baby, that E was all mine.
My college professors made it sound as if plagiarism is worse than murder. I was so scared to "bite"(Cube, Ice. 1989) something from someone else that I refused to use anything from someone else.
My problem with footnotes is because I never know when to or not to use them. I have been taking a Saturday class recently in which I had to write a paper. The paper was on the book "The Soul Winner" by Charles Spurgeon. It was required to cite sources.
Footnotes scare me.
I had absolutely no idea when to draw the line on footnotes. I found myself wanting to footnote the word "The" each time I used it...I mean it was in the book. Charles Spurgeon had used the word "The" countless times and I was going to use the word "The" in my paper on his book. Not to mention other words he used that I blatantly plagiarized. "A", "Is", "It", "For", and the list could go on and on.
I am such a fraud.
I actually think it is ridiculous to have to footnote anyway. I mean would anyone actually accuse me of coming up with anything? Let's face it, a blanket statement at the end of any paper that says something like, "The views, ideas, facts, similies, homilies, words, typos, considerations, misspellings, and contradictions contained in the above work are most likely the intellectual property of someone else that has lived within the last six thousand years and not necessarily that of the author,"(Cornett,N. 2006).
Well,that's all I got to say about that(Gump,F. 1994).
The thoughts, words, letters, spaces, etc. contained herein are hereby declared the intellectual property of the author and cannot be reproduced without expressed written consent...unless you give me credit in a footnote.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Emotion Breaks My Silence
This blog has been on near hiatus status for some time now. But the travesty of yesterday has forced me to speak out. I am overwhelmed with emotion. Hurt and confusion have marked the past thirty hours of my life. When you lose something foundational, as we all have, how do we not get emotional? How do we act as if nothing has happened?
Pluto is no longer a planet. Pluto is no longer a planet.
In what I can only call The Pluto Seminar a bunch of "astronomers" gathered together in Europe to cast a bunch of marbles to decide upon the planetary destiny of the small orbital we all love so.
And just like that, Mickey Mouse's dog isn't a dog anymore, he's a cat or a pluton or something.
This atronometric snobbery must be put to an end. We must stand up for the little "planets" that cannot stand for themselves. What has Pluto ever done to anyone? What's next...Jupiter's too big, Mars and Venus make corny books, Neptune is too blue.
I haven't felt this much loss since the XFL folded.
And they best leave Uranus alone.
Pluto is no longer a planet. Pluto is no longer a planet.
In what I can only call The Pluto Seminar a bunch of "astronomers" gathered together in Europe to cast a bunch of marbles to decide upon the planetary destiny of the small orbital we all love so.
And just like that, Mickey Mouse's dog isn't a dog anymore, he's a cat or a pluton or something.
This atronometric snobbery must be put to an end. We must stand up for the little "planets" that cannot stand for themselves. What has Pluto ever done to anyone? What's next...Jupiter's too big, Mars and Venus make corny books, Neptune is too blue.
I haven't felt this much loss since the XFL folded.
And they best leave Uranus alone.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Diction.
Words and phrases I like:
Edited it.
Erlanger
Avoidantageous
The blue crow flies at dawn
Munfordville
Ten animals I slam in a net.(read it backwards)
Graeters Black raspberry Chip
Free _________
Shasta
Pickled Eggs
Herbivore
Get in my bellay
Shwag
Spritzer (Say it with the z as a soft s, it's fun)
Polysporin
Desmond Tutu
Duchy
Bovine
That marking device is encapsulated in a celophanic membrane.
I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.
George Pataki
Salisbury steak
Alejandro
Fah-ooo-ooo-dah
Juggernaut
StarWars/Powerstick
Chef Daddio (That's right, I cooked Christmas breakfast)
Audi 5000
Edited it.
Erlanger
Avoidantageous
The blue crow flies at dawn
Munfordville
Ten animals I slam in a net.(read it backwards)
Graeters Black raspberry Chip
Free _________
Shasta
Pickled Eggs
Herbivore
Get in my bellay
Shwag
Spritzer (Say it with the z as a soft s, it's fun)
Polysporin
Desmond Tutu
Duchy
Bovine
That marking device is encapsulated in a celophanic membrane.
I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.
George Pataki
Salisbury steak
Alejandro
Fah-ooo-ooo-dah
Juggernaut
StarWars/Powerstick
Chef Daddio (That's right, I cooked Christmas breakfast)
Audi 5000
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
What I Have Learned Recently
1. When you take your two year old to the ER with a spiral break of the femur the doctors and P.A.'s tend to look at you accusingly.
2. When you tell them that he "fell at day-care" the doctors and P.A.'s tend to look at you accusingly.
3. When Child Protective Services find out that your two year old has a spiral break of the femur and comes to interview you, the social worker tends to look at you accusingly.
4. When you tell the social worker from Child Protective Services that he "fell at day-care" she tends to look at you accusingly.
5. When you walk your two year old around the hospital while he is hopped up on valium and he giggles constantly and says stuff like "I have hands!" and "My friends are going to the party" the other folks in the hospital tend to look at you accusingly.
6. When you get home and walk your two year old around the neighborhood so he can show off his new body cast your neighbors tend to look at you accusingly.
7. When you approach your two year old, who is in a body cast, with a syringe of medicine he tends to look at you accusingly.
8. When your two year old throws up(to quote the 2 yr old "blows chunks") full of the medicine you just gave him all over you, he tends to look at you accusingly.
9. When your three year old, who is staying with his grandparents while your two year old is in the hospital, goes up to them in only his underwear and says, "You wanna hear me toot?" they tend to look at you accusingly.
10. When you blog about what your family has been through in the past few days in a lighthearted way your readers tend to....hey, quit looking at me like that.
2. When you tell them that he "fell at day-care" the doctors and P.A.'s tend to look at you accusingly.
3. When Child Protective Services find out that your two year old has a spiral break of the femur and comes to interview you, the social worker tends to look at you accusingly.
4. When you tell the social worker from Child Protective Services that he "fell at day-care" she tends to look at you accusingly.
5. When you walk your two year old around the hospital while he is hopped up on valium and he giggles constantly and says stuff like "I have hands!" and "My friends are going to the party" the other folks in the hospital tend to look at you accusingly.
6. When you get home and walk your two year old around the neighborhood so he can show off his new body cast your neighbors tend to look at you accusingly.
7. When you approach your two year old, who is in a body cast, with a syringe of medicine he tends to look at you accusingly.
8. When your two year old throws up(to quote the 2 yr old "blows chunks") full of the medicine you just gave him all over you, he tends to look at you accusingly.
9. When your three year old, who is staying with his grandparents while your two year old is in the hospital, goes up to them in only his underwear and says, "You wanna hear me toot?" they tend to look at you accusingly.
10. When you blog about what your family has been through in the past few days in a lighthearted way your readers tend to....hey, quit looking at me like that.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
The Duck is Dead; But That Fowl Put Up a Fight
I survived. I managed to finish the Lame Duck Try-Athlon and continue to breathe. But man was it hard. Here is what the Duck taught me.
1. I'm old, I'm fat, I'm slow.
a. I am older physically than a 72 year old man. I was beaten by nearly half an hour by a man that is seventy-freak'n-two!
b. I'm fat. I was maybe one of ten folks there with a percent body fat over 5.
c. I'm slow. Coming out of the swim I was ahead of only seven people. I thought I would make up time on the bike and run. I finished ahead of seven people.
2. I'm really slow. I finished in the bottom ten. I was beaten by a 72 year old, a 62 year old and a 14 year old girl. Seriously.
3. There is a lot of gravity in Georgetown. The hills in Mallard Point are unbelievable. Lance Armstrong could have trained for the Tour De Snooty Country there. There is no shame in walking a bike up a hill. Shut up Woodyard, there is no shame in walking a bike up a hill.
4. The residents of Mallard Point are very nice to the participants. They would have coolers of water out in there front yard and run along side of you to hand it to you. Some had hoses hooked up to spray you if you wanted. They all cheered you on. But, to be honest, the cheering started to get on my nerves. I was so slow and back in the pack that their cheers seemed almost condescending. There "you can do it's" took into an "isn't that special, that fat man is trying" type of feel. I wanted somebody to say, "Dude, your stink'n it up, speed up."
5. Oxygen is good. I went an hour and fifty four minutes with a serious oxygen debt.
6. I look good in yellow speedos. I went with the taxi cab yellow dry fit model. It's more stringy on the sides for aerodynamics. Think Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue but with part of the front hidden by a gut. Okay, so I didn't wear a speedo, actually I had the longest shorts in the race I think.
7. The truly hard core athletes are the ones whose bikes have kickstands and baby seat racks. Just like me.
8. My next tri-athlon is September 24. I encourage all to participate.
If you are into verification of statistics you can go to http://lameduck.freeservers.com/
and click on race results.
1. I'm old, I'm fat, I'm slow.
a. I am older physically than a 72 year old man. I was beaten by nearly half an hour by a man that is seventy-freak'n-two!
b. I'm fat. I was maybe one of ten folks there with a percent body fat over 5.
c. I'm slow. Coming out of the swim I was ahead of only seven people. I thought I would make up time on the bike and run. I finished ahead of seven people.
2. I'm really slow. I finished in the bottom ten. I was beaten by a 72 year old, a 62 year old and a 14 year old girl. Seriously.
3. There is a lot of gravity in Georgetown. The hills in Mallard Point are unbelievable. Lance Armstrong could have trained for the Tour De Snooty Country there. There is no shame in walking a bike up a hill. Shut up Woodyard, there is no shame in walking a bike up a hill.
4. The residents of Mallard Point are very nice to the participants. They would have coolers of water out in there front yard and run along side of you to hand it to you. Some had hoses hooked up to spray you if you wanted. They all cheered you on. But, to be honest, the cheering started to get on my nerves. I was so slow and back in the pack that their cheers seemed almost condescending. There "you can do it's" took into an "isn't that special, that fat man is trying" type of feel. I wanted somebody to say, "Dude, your stink'n it up, speed up."
5. Oxygen is good. I went an hour and fifty four minutes with a serious oxygen debt.
6. I look good in yellow speedos. I went with the taxi cab yellow dry fit model. It's more stringy on the sides for aerodynamics. Think Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue but with part of the front hidden by a gut. Okay, so I didn't wear a speedo, actually I had the longest shorts in the race I think.
7. The truly hard core athletes are the ones whose bikes have kickstands and baby seat racks. Just like me.
8. My next tri-athlon is September 24. I encourage all to participate.
If you are into verification of statistics you can go to http://lameduck.freeservers.com/
and click on race results.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
J. W. is back!!!
Everybody check out Wiley's return to the blogging world. Just hit the link to JDub on the right side of the screen.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Try-Athlon
On July 8 I will compete in my first triathlon. Compete could actually be too bold of a word. On July 8 I will drown in my first triathlon. There, that's better.
The race consists of a .53 mile swim, a 9.1 mile bike ride, and a 2.6 mile run. I have complete confidence in my ability to ride and run. The swim, not so much.
I have been going to the YMCA for weeks now getting prepared for the swim. I do not swim well. I have issues with buoyancy. My nose leaks. Basically, I can't swim. I know the aquatics director at the Y. She saw me swimming laps the other day and suggested that I enroll in her adult swim lesson class. I'd rather drown.
But I must tell you that I finally think that I have figured out the swim. All doggie paddle, all the time. I can doggie paddle for hours. It's slow, it's ugly, it's effective. I can now swim the .53 miles without stopping.
Also to prepare I have been working out, a lot. Just when I thought I could see a difference in my physique I heard this at work today. "Dang Nathan you're gett'n fat." Yeah, that guy got a raise.
So, as of right now I have 11 days to prepare for the triathlon. Consider it done.
Now, if I can only figure out what color of Speedo to wear.
The race consists of a .53 mile swim, a 9.1 mile bike ride, and a 2.6 mile run. I have complete confidence in my ability to ride and run. The swim, not so much.
I have been going to the YMCA for weeks now getting prepared for the swim. I do not swim well. I have issues with buoyancy. My nose leaks. Basically, I can't swim. I know the aquatics director at the Y. She saw me swimming laps the other day and suggested that I enroll in her adult swim lesson class. I'd rather drown.
But I must tell you that I finally think that I have figured out the swim. All doggie paddle, all the time. I can doggie paddle for hours. It's slow, it's ugly, it's effective. I can now swim the .53 miles without stopping.
Also to prepare I have been working out, a lot. Just when I thought I could see a difference in my physique I heard this at work today. "Dang Nathan you're gett'n fat." Yeah, that guy got a raise.
So, as of right now I have 11 days to prepare for the triathlon. Consider it done.
Now, if I can only figure out what color of Speedo to wear.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Okay. Something You are Passionate About.
So I am starting to get heckled for not getting comments for up to two days. But I now realize that it was my own fault. I don't think my last post was something that my loyal readers were all that excited about. So here goes.
Today Jordan was eating waffles. While she was eating said waffles she asked me what her next post should be about(check out her newest post at www.jordancor.blogspot.com). Since she was eating waffles and looking for a post topic I told her to blog about syrup. She scoffed. She could not write about syrup. Well, I can.
I really like syrup. I like it on pancakes. I like it on waffles. I really like it when you have bacon with any of the above and you dip your bacon in the syrup. And if the syrup is warm, don't get me started.
One time, when I was little, we were at my mammaw's house and my dad actually tapped a maple tree. Drained the sap. Then my mammaw made homemade maple syrup. Mmmmm.
I have many stories I could tell you about syrup. How I used to love the Mrs. Butterworth bottle. I always wanted her to start talking to me. I love how socially conscious syrup companies have gotten; i.e. remember when Mrs. Butterworth was dressed more like a slave but now she is like wearing a business suit(maybe that was Aunt Jemimah). Or how technologically advanced syrup companies have gotten; i.e. when all the syrup bottles started putting an indicator to let you know when your syrup was just the right temperature in the microwave.
But my all time favorite syrup story definitely trumps all the above. About a year ago Betty fixed breakfast for dinner(I love when she does that). Anyway, she fixed pancakes and bacon(great combo). After fixing the bacon she poured all the bacon grease into a cup(why do people save that?). A little while later in strolls Jordan. She fixes her pancakes and pours her "syrup" from the cup on the stove. Now why Jordan thought her mother would pour a half a cup of syrup and leave it on the stove I do not know. But anyway Jordan got a dose of Betty's Homemade Bacon Grease Syrup. Mmmmm. Smooth going down.
There. I blogged on syrup. I hope I sparked your passion.
Today Jordan was eating waffles. While she was eating said waffles she asked me what her next post should be about(check out her newest post at www.jordancor.blogspot.com). Since she was eating waffles and looking for a post topic I told her to blog about syrup. She scoffed. She could not write about syrup. Well, I can.
I really like syrup. I like it on pancakes. I like it on waffles. I really like it when you have bacon with any of the above and you dip your bacon in the syrup. And if the syrup is warm, don't get me started.
One time, when I was little, we were at my mammaw's house and my dad actually tapped a maple tree. Drained the sap. Then my mammaw made homemade maple syrup. Mmmmm.
I have many stories I could tell you about syrup. How I used to love the Mrs. Butterworth bottle. I always wanted her to start talking to me. I love how socially conscious syrup companies have gotten; i.e. remember when Mrs. Butterworth was dressed more like a slave but now she is like wearing a business suit(maybe that was Aunt Jemimah). Or how technologically advanced syrup companies have gotten; i.e. when all the syrup bottles started putting an indicator to let you know when your syrup was just the right temperature in the microwave.
But my all time favorite syrup story definitely trumps all the above. About a year ago Betty fixed breakfast for dinner(I love when she does that). Anyway, she fixed pancakes and bacon(great combo). After fixing the bacon she poured all the bacon grease into a cup(why do people save that?). A little while later in strolls Jordan. She fixes her pancakes and pours her "syrup" from the cup on the stove. Now why Jordan thought her mother would pour a half a cup of syrup and leave it on the stove I do not know. But anyway Jordan got a dose of Betty's Homemade Bacon Grease Syrup. Mmmmm. Smooth going down.
There. I blogged on syrup. I hope I sparked your passion.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Maybe I need some new friends.
Two of Betty and my best friends are Matt and Stephanie. They used to be in our Bible study class but then they sold out and got married. So they became some of our married friends. But I have noticed that hanging around with them may not be good for my ego.
Let's start at the beginning.
Shortly after Matt and Steph got married I got a call from Steph. She was in hysterics. She could not talk for laughing. It seems that they had been watching an episode of The Andy Griffith Show when it hit her that I was the re-embodiment of Andy Taylor. Something about the way I talk reminds her of the sex symbol sheriff. Lovely.
Some time later our friend Jill was in a car wreck and in the hospital in Louisville. So Steph, Matt, Betty, Banks, and I went to Louisville to see her. While we were there the nurse came in to help Jill up. She asked Matt and I to leave the room for a little bit. So we took Banks, who was less than a year old, and went out in the hall. Matt held Banks, I held the baby bag. About that time a lady rounds the corner and almost bumps into us. She sees Matt holding the baby and me holding the diaper bag. She proceeds to give us a look of absolute disgust and walks off down the hall mumbling about us. Lovely.
But the one that takes the cake happened this past Wednesday. Matt and I had gone to the hospital to see another friend. While we were there we started talking with a guy in the lobby. After a few minutes the guy says to me while pointing at Matt, "Is this your son?" At first I thought he was kidding so I just laughed. But again I hear, "Is he your son?" He was serious. He was asking if my friend Matt was my son. He was asking if my 30 year old friend was my son. I am 32. Matt is 30. I was born in 1973. Matt was born in 1976. "Is he your son?" 32. 30. Matt's dad is in his late 50's. I am 32. Matt's son is a year old. I am 32. "Is this your son?" Lovely.
Now, I can deal with the fact that I remind people of Andy Taylor. I can sort of deal with the fact that I remind some lady in Louisville of Elton John. But I cannot deal with the fact that I remind people more of Matlock than Andy Taylor. I am even getting calls from Matt's wife demanding child support payment for the time they have been married. Lovely.
Let's start at the beginning.
Shortly after Matt and Steph got married I got a call from Steph. She was in hysterics. She could not talk for laughing. It seems that they had been watching an episode of The Andy Griffith Show when it hit her that I was the re-embodiment of Andy Taylor. Something about the way I talk reminds her of the sex symbol sheriff. Lovely.
Some time later our friend Jill was in a car wreck and in the hospital in Louisville. So Steph, Matt, Betty, Banks, and I went to Louisville to see her. While we were there the nurse came in to help Jill up. She asked Matt and I to leave the room for a little bit. So we took Banks, who was less than a year old, and went out in the hall. Matt held Banks, I held the baby bag. About that time a lady rounds the corner and almost bumps into us. She sees Matt holding the baby and me holding the diaper bag. She proceeds to give us a look of absolute disgust and walks off down the hall mumbling about us. Lovely.
But the one that takes the cake happened this past Wednesday. Matt and I had gone to the hospital to see another friend. While we were there we started talking with a guy in the lobby. After a few minutes the guy says to me while pointing at Matt, "Is this your son?" At first I thought he was kidding so I just laughed. But again I hear, "Is he your son?" He was serious. He was asking if my friend Matt was my son. He was asking if my 30 year old friend was my son. I am 32. Matt is 30. I was born in 1973. Matt was born in 1976. "Is he your son?" 32. 30. Matt's dad is in his late 50's. I am 32. Matt's son is a year old. I am 32. "Is this your son?" Lovely.
Now, I can deal with the fact that I remind people of Andy Taylor. I can sort of deal with the fact that I remind some lady in Louisville of Elton John. But I cannot deal with the fact that I remind people more of Matlock than Andy Taylor. I am even getting calls from Matt's wife demanding child support payment for the time they have been married. Lovely.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Assignment: Vacation
I had a friend in college(no joke) that when he would go on vacation he would load up on mundane, one dollar or cheaper souvenirs. He did this so that upon his return when someone would ask, "What did you bring me?" he could say, "I saw this spoon with Nags Head on it and thought of you." I always thought it was kind of a waste because I never had any problem saying "nothing" when the question was posed to me. This all changed when my friend once took a trip to some place that I cannot remember. When he returned I asked, as a joke, "what did you get me?" Without hesitation he replied, "This previously viewed copy of Uncle Buck." I still have that tape and it warms my heart to think that when he was in "Everything's-a-Dollar" in Somewhere, USA he thought of me.
That brings me to my assignment for you. I don't travel very much. I want schwag. Since many of you are traveling some this summer (sPotts and sFost this weekend, ahem) I want you to bring me something back. No expense is necessary but appreciated. It could be a napkin that says "Nashville" or a 2007 Chevy Avalanche with Myrtle Beach license plates. Anything, I just want something from where you are going. Shameless, maybe. Sad, maybe. Nathan, totally.
The person that brings back the most creative souvenir will be given props on this blogsite. Now what other incentive could you need?
** Official Contest Rules **
-This contest does not expire or stop. Just keep bringing me stuff.
-Submissions are not tax deductible and become the property of the Elementary Intersocial Volition staff
-Bribes are accepted
That brings me to my assignment for you. I don't travel very much. I want schwag. Since many of you are traveling some this summer (sPotts and sFost this weekend, ahem) I want you to bring me something back. No expense is necessary but appreciated. It could be a napkin that says "Nashville" or a 2007 Chevy Avalanche with Myrtle Beach license plates. Anything, I just want something from where you are going. Shameless, maybe. Sad, maybe. Nathan, totally.
The person that brings back the most creative souvenir will be given props on this blogsite. Now what other incentive could you need?
** Official Contest Rules **
-This contest does not expire or stop. Just keep bringing me stuff.
-Submissions are not tax deductible and become the property of the Elementary Intersocial Volition staff
-Bribes are accepted
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Visuals
Where did our boat go?
(below)I see the keys!
<-Sarah, before her cheeks were red. 
<- The correct way to base jump(sort of) off Foster's Rock. Above is action self portrait of artist base jumping(sort of) off Foster's Rock.
(below)I see the keys!
<-Sarah, before her cheeks were red. 
<- The correct way to base jump(sort of) off Foster's Rock. Above is action self portrait of artist base jumping(sort of) off Foster's Rock.
Monday, May 29, 2006
My Observations as a Waterman
1. Only the coolest people hold their nose when they jump in(or fall in) the river.
2. The literary choices of rafting(aka farting) guides would be considered offensive to church groups.
3. Tree branches are not good means of holding a smore over a fire. It is too hard to get them through the graham cracker without breaking it. Some people actually like to heat the marshmallow and then put it on the cracker. Wierdos.
4. Speck's....laugh....is....the....best....laugh....I....have....ever....heard....wait-for-it...
5. When jumping into a river from an elevation over fifteen feet the two best means of entry are either a seated or face first position. Smack.
6. The actual lyrics to Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker" are:
Youre a heartbreaker
Dream maker, love taker
Dont you mess around with me!
Youre a heartbreaker
Dream maker, love taker
Dont you mess around - no no no!
There is no "Salt Shaker" in it.
7. "Farners" can't work car alarms.
8. When a sign says "Rafting Adventures Ahead" and has an arrow pointing to the left it doesn't mean go straight...it means go left.
9. In Fayetteville, WV everything is going on at The Foodland. Everything.
10. If you lose a tooth while in West Virginia you get automatic residency status.
11. You can skip a rock on water. It is harder to skip a rock off a raft guide.
12. Never, under any circumstances, put Luhkneeuhh in charge of the keys.
13. Sadly, the driver is just "the help."
2. The literary choices of rafting(aka farting) guides would be considered offensive to church groups.
3. Tree branches are not good means of holding a smore over a fire. It is too hard to get them through the graham cracker without breaking it. Some people actually like to heat the marshmallow and then put it on the cracker. Wierdos.
4. Speck's....laugh....is....the....best....laugh....I....have....ever....heard....wait-for-it...
5. When jumping into a river from an elevation over fifteen feet the two best means of entry are either a seated or face first position. Smack.
6. The actual lyrics to Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker" are:
Youre a heartbreaker
Dream maker, love taker
Dont you mess around with me!
Youre a heartbreaker
Dream maker, love taker
Dont you mess around - no no no!
There is no "Salt Shaker" in it.
7. "Farners" can't work car alarms.
8. When a sign says "Rafting Adventures Ahead" and has an arrow pointing to the left it doesn't mean go straight...it means go left.
9. In Fayetteville, WV everything is going on at The Foodland. Everything.
10. If you lose a tooth while in West Virginia you get automatic residency status.
11. You can skip a rock on water. It is harder to skip a rock off a raft guide.
12. Never, under any circumstances, put Luhkneeuhh in charge of the keys.
13. Sadly, the driver is just "the help."
Friday, May 26, 2006
Gauley, That's a Big Rapid!
I've gone white water rafting.
I hope I live to post again.
Nate "Class V" Cornett.
Nate "Won't Scream Like a Girl" Cornett.
Nate "Doesn't need the first aid kit or inhaler his wife packed" Cornett.
I hope I live to post again.
Nate "Class V" Cornett.
Nate "Won't Scream Like a Girl" Cornett.
Nate "Doesn't need the first aid kit or inhaler his wife packed" Cornett.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Nathonics (or Nath')
It seems to me that our world is 'bout to clear all use of words with two or more sylls' from our speech. It seems most use words like "what 'ev" and "'sich" to keep just with one syll'. This scares me 'cause I think words with two or more sylls' are ness' to our speech. Have we come to the point in our world where we are too bus' to use more than one syll'? Slow down my peeps, have joy in your sylls'. Life is too hard to spend it with just one syll' words. This mode of talk can lead to probs like not get point of talk. One word's first syll' might sound like that of diff' word's first syll' and change the point you want to make. When you see a friend on the street do you smile and say "hell'"? That might hurt your friend's heart and make them not glad. To close I would just like to say that I hope you will keep the use of two or more syll' words in our speech 'cause it is too hard to just speak or blog with just one syll' words.
Sin_ _ _ _ _ _,(See?)
Nate
Sin_ _ _ _ _ _,(See?)
Nate
A Little More of What I Have Learned
1. When you blog about Golden Corral it seems to spark passion in people. In fact that is the only reason I included it here.
2. That either my daughter is especially mature or I am especially immature. It seems we are starting to share the same peer group. I met some of my friends at my daughter's softball game Monday. After the game she went out to eat with some of her friends. They were all the same people. Maybe it's not about me or her, maybe our friends are schizo(no offense, and no offense).
3. Wes C. cracks me up. He could blog professionally(I, however, intend to maintain my amateur status so I can blog in the Olympics).
4. From 1977 to present day there have been not less than eight people killed in rafting/kayaking accidents on the Gauley River in West Virginia. Many of whom were listed as "Experienced."
5. Losing your gut at age 32 is much more difficult than not having one at age 26. Warning to all: Food tastes much better after age 26.
6. The oatmeal at Frisch's it not nearly as good as Bob Evans.
7. There is something about riding a bicycle that make people think you are a wimp. On separate occasions I have had a tennis ball and a football thrown at me. Of course it didn't enter my mind to retaliate(WWJD?); and perhaps I am a wimp.
8. The lexicon is expanding faster than my mind. What does "'sich" mean?
9. Many of the blogs I encounter contain deep theological statements and observations. Now mine does too.
10. The new voting machines look like Paul Bunyon's Palm Pilot.
2. That either my daughter is especially mature or I am especially immature. It seems we are starting to share the same peer group. I met some of my friends at my daughter's softball game Monday. After the game she went out to eat with some of her friends. They were all the same people. Maybe it's not about me or her, maybe our friends are schizo(no offense, and no offense).
3. Wes C. cracks me up. He could blog professionally(I, however, intend to maintain my amateur status so I can blog in the Olympics).
4. From 1977 to present day there have been not less than eight people killed in rafting/kayaking accidents on the Gauley River in West Virginia. Many of whom were listed as "Experienced."
5. Losing your gut at age 32 is much more difficult than not having one at age 26. Warning to all: Food tastes much better after age 26.
6. The oatmeal at Frisch's it not nearly as good as Bob Evans.
7. There is something about riding a bicycle that make people think you are a wimp. On separate occasions I have had a tennis ball and a football thrown at me. Of course it didn't enter my mind to retaliate(WWJD?); and perhaps I am a wimp.
8. The lexicon is expanding faster than my mind. What does "'sich" mean?
9. Many of the blogs I encounter contain deep theological statements and observations. Now mine does too.
10. The new voting machines look like Paul Bunyon's Palm Pilot.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Person For The Responsible Use of Blogs.
I have been noticing a trend in the blogoshpere. It seems many bloggers are signing off for the summer. This brings me to the question, "What are they doing?" What is causing them to leave their blogs behind?
Many people rely on these blogs to make it through their work and/or school day. It could be deemed irresponsible, dangerous even, to just jump ship on these people. Seriously, what effect will it have on the economy of Lexington if all of a sudden people started having to work while at work instead of reading blogs? Can our city stand such a shake up for the next three months?
I say we start a grass roots movement. If they want to stop blogging fine. But I am summoning the troops. I want everyone to cross-blog anyone whose blog they find to be "on hiatus." I don't care what you talk about, just talk long and often.
As for me, I refuse to go on summer hiatus. I will be here slinging the same slop I always do.
In fact I want to issue a challenge. I want you to find the "on hiatus" blogs and cross-blog on the following topics:
Electric Cars
Converse Tennishoes
Spandex Pants
Power Lines
Spaldings Donuts
Cornhole
So just choose one of the above mentioned topics, find an blog-en-hiatia, and cross-blog away. Then comment back here where you have cross-blogged so we can all read. Together we will keep the blogosphere moving.
Many people rely on these blogs to make it through their work and/or school day. It could be deemed irresponsible, dangerous even, to just jump ship on these people. Seriously, what effect will it have on the economy of Lexington if all of a sudden people started having to work while at work instead of reading blogs? Can our city stand such a shake up for the next three months?
I say we start a grass roots movement. If they want to stop blogging fine. But I am summoning the troops. I want everyone to cross-blog anyone whose blog they find to be "on hiatus." I don't care what you talk about, just talk long and often.
As for me, I refuse to go on summer hiatus. I will be here slinging the same slop I always do.
In fact I want to issue a challenge. I want you to find the "on hiatus" blogs and cross-blog on the following topics:
Electric Cars
Converse Tennishoes
Spandex Pants
Power Lines
Spaldings Donuts
Cornhole
So just choose one of the above mentioned topics, find an blog-en-hiatia, and cross-blog away. Then comment back here where you have cross-blogged so we can all read. Together we will keep the blogosphere moving.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Musings From the Heart of Stanley Burrell
My my my music hits me...so hard
Makes me say, "Oh, my Lord,
Thank You, for blessing me
with a mind to rhyme and a too hype beat."
It feels good, when you know you're down
A super dope homeboy from the Oak-town;
and I'm known as such...
And this is a beat, uh, ya can't touch
You can't touch this
Fresh new kicks, advance
You gotta like that, now you know you wanna dance
So move, outta your seat
And get a fly girl and catch this beat
While it's rolling, hold on
Pump a little bit and let'em know it's going on
Like that, like that
Cold on a mission so call them back
Let 'em know, that you're too much
And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch
You can't touch this
Give me a song, or rhythm
Making 'em sweat, that's what I'm giving 'em
Now, they know
You talking about the Hammer you talking about a show
That's hype, and tight
Singers are sweating so pass them a wipe
Or a tape, to learn
What's it gonna take in the '90s to burn
The charts? Legit
Either work hard or you might as well quit
That's word because you know...
You can't touch this
Go with the funk, it is said
That if you can't groove to this then you probably are dead
So wave your finger in the air
Bust a few moves, run your fingers through your hair
This is it, for a winner
Dance to this and your gonna get thinner
Move, slide your rump
Just for a minute let's all do the bump, bump, bump
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
Every time you see me
The Hammer's just so hype
I'm dope on the floor and I'm magic on the mic
Now why would I ever stop doing this?
With others making records that just don't hit
I've toured around the world, from London to the Bay
It's "Hammer, go Hammer, MC Hammer, yo Hammer"
And the rest can go and play
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
(Next time Patrick Swayze's She's Like the Wind)
Makes me say, "Oh, my Lord,
Thank You, for blessing me
with a mind to rhyme and a too hype beat."
It feels good, when you know you're down
A super dope homeboy from the Oak-town;
and I'm known as such...
And this is a beat, uh, ya can't touch
You can't touch this
Fresh new kicks, advance
You gotta like that, now you know you wanna dance
So move, outta your seat
And get a fly girl and catch this beat
While it's rolling, hold on
Pump a little bit and let'em know it's going on
Like that, like that
Cold on a mission so call them back
Let 'em know, that you're too much
And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch
You can't touch this
Give me a song, or rhythm
Making 'em sweat, that's what I'm giving 'em
Now, they know
You talking about the Hammer you talking about a show
That's hype, and tight
Singers are sweating so pass them a wipe
Or a tape, to learn
What's it gonna take in the '90s to burn
The charts? Legit
Either work hard or you might as well quit
That's word because you know...
You can't touch this
Go with the funk, it is said
That if you can't groove to this then you probably are dead
So wave your finger in the air
Bust a few moves, run your fingers through your hair
This is it, for a winner
Dance to this and your gonna get thinner
Move, slide your rump
Just for a minute let's all do the bump, bump, bump
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
Every time you see me
The Hammer's just so hype
I'm dope on the floor and I'm magic on the mic
Now why would I ever stop doing this?
With others making records that just don't hit
I've toured around the world, from London to the Bay
It's "Hammer, go Hammer, MC Hammer, yo Hammer"
And the rest can go and play
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
You can't touch this
(Next time Patrick Swayze's She's Like the Wind)
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
The More You Know...The More You Grow
Okay, I like to read. I like to read what my wife considers to be geek books. She doesn't understand how I can actually stay awake to read them while reading them. Anyway, this year I set a goal to read 12 nonfiction and 6 fiction books. The financial guru Dave Ramsey says that when polled most people that feel their lives are a success read on average 12 books a year. So, I figured why not, let's see how this works(okay, he actually says that when polled millionaires on average read 12 books a year. But that just sounds so materialistic--and yes I realize money does not equal success).
Now, I try to read books on a variety of topics. I try to read some classics...but I gotta be honest...who decided these were classics?
Right now I am reading Walden by Henry David Thoreau. It is a pretty good book but I don't understand all the acclaim given to it by folks like Don Henley et al. It's basically about Thoreau's time living in the wilderness of Massachusetts in the 1840s. It does make me want to lead a simpler life...but I do love me some indoor plumbing. Thoreau laments about the speed of life in the cities around him...how people just have to speed through life on trains that go 30 mph.
The other books I have read this year are:
Grant and Sherman: The Friendship that Won the Civil War-- Great book if you like history.
Getting entrepreneurial! Creating and Growing Your Own Business in the 21st Century--Not bad.
Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson--I gotta learn how to deal with Ude and Qusay somehow!
Add these to countless childrens books and cereal boxes and that pretty much rounds out my literary intake for '06. I gotta get to reading to reach my goal but generally I read more in the summer.
Up next is a John Avant book about having passion for Christ...I am not sure of its title. After that Kentucky Story, an anthology of Kentucky Short Stories...after that...who knows?
On a more serious note. I took my daughter for her driver permit test on Monday and the dude behind the counter had to be an Elvis impersonator...he looked just like "Jumpsuit Elvis."
Now, I try to read books on a variety of topics. I try to read some classics...but I gotta be honest...who decided these were classics?
Right now I am reading Walden by Henry David Thoreau. It is a pretty good book but I don't understand all the acclaim given to it by folks like Don Henley et al. It's basically about Thoreau's time living in the wilderness of Massachusetts in the 1840s. It does make me want to lead a simpler life...but I do love me some indoor plumbing. Thoreau laments about the speed of life in the cities around him...how people just have to speed through life on trains that go 30 mph.
The other books I have read this year are:
Grant and Sherman: The Friendship that Won the Civil War-- Great book if you like history.
Getting entrepreneurial! Creating and Growing Your Own Business in the 21st Century--Not bad.
Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson--I gotta learn how to deal with Ude and Qusay somehow!
Add these to countless childrens books and cereal boxes and that pretty much rounds out my literary intake for '06. I gotta get to reading to reach my goal but generally I read more in the summer.
Up next is a John Avant book about having passion for Christ...I am not sure of its title. After that Kentucky Story, an anthology of Kentucky Short Stories...after that...who knows?
On a more serious note. I took my daughter for her driver permit test on Monday and the dude behind the counter had to be an Elvis impersonator...he looked just like "Jumpsuit Elvis."
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